just a deadbeat summer

tonight it is

i’m so hesitant to say things to you i have to plan every word and still i mess them up

i want to tell you i know youre planning on being with girls when i leave for my house

you know i hate them

you fucking message all cute with them

is it because they can hold a conversation

you made me be this robot with emotions

you’re the one who wanted me to think what i say

you’ve made me so reluctant to say anything at all

i’m consistently afraid of messing this up

you on the other hand are care free

i wish i didnt change

i dont know how to fix me

i’m desensitized to a lot now

is this what you had intended

i don’t know what to do anymore i love you

i’m scared you just stay because you think im too attached

i want to go lay in bed and just sleep the times i have no real reason to stay up

i hate being like this

you’re ruining my day

i just wish i could make you happy still with out seeming like im forcing it upon you :(